There are a few different schools of thought. You may have heard about it – when people actually stayed married! Okay, okay, perhaps not all should have stayed married, especially in cases of abuse. Pre-dating suitors were invited to 'the coming out' balls where marriageable men and women would gather in chaperoned situations – including the drawing room of the woman's house to get to know each other (with no opportunity to fall into temptation from physical attraction).

These 'red flags' were signs of inappropriate/ungentlemanly behavior/attributes. Many novels and films famously depict these customs particularly those written by Jane Austen such as 'Emma' and the love that grew between Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Another option is courtship (this may sound like Christian dating but no, it is quite different again.) It is where two people have the intention to get married and take a long term view.

The real secret to holding a man's interest is to maintain the mystery. Then through mutual friends/associations they attend the same social events, chaperoned of course, to check each other out. Then over a period of time if they seem to be suited and the interest is there they can undergo further and closer contact under supervision. Courtship is reserved for Christians who are already spiritually and emotionally ready for the commitment of a Christ-centred marriage.

One of the more traditional is getting back to how it was over one hundred years ago. At each stage the two people pray for guidance and are lead by a couple who are leading by example in their own marriage and who are more mature spiritually and emotionally. If you do want to talk – either email letters to get to know each other, or talk on the phone or see each other perhaps once per week face to face Topics and depth of conversation – talk of general things and lighter, safe topics.